“So easy”: Nancy Jo Sales on dating apps and hookup culture

They tell her Tinder sucks, all the while with eyes that never leave the screen, thumbs that never stop swiping. Vanity Fair writer and editor Nancy Jo Sales interviewed dozens of twentysomethings in several states as well as assorted academics and experts for this in-depth September 2015 report on dating apps and hookup culture.

Read it here: Sales, “Tinder and the dawn of ‘the dating apocalypse’”

 

 

1. When it comes to heterosexual dating, women and men tend to have vastly different experiences, expectations, and attitudes, and Sales’ article reflects that divergence very clearly. How fair and equitable is her discussion of the two poles of the gender spectrum? Does her treatment of men and women display any bias or prejudice toward one gender? Point to examples to support your conclusions.
2. Sales presents an abundance of evidence from interviews with Tinder users and academic experts in a variety of related fields. How well does her report weave together those two types of evidence? Should she have included more or less of one type? Would her article have been better if she had used only interviews? Only expert opinions? Explain your response.
3. Read (or re-read) Clive Thompson’s essay in Chapter 17 of your text. Thompson, writing about chess, is a passionate defender of technology. What might Thompson say about the chess game (if we may call it that) of Tinder dating? Why? Point to passages in his essay that might demonstrate his attitude.
4. Sales’ interviewees present a broad spectrum of experiences and opinions. Whose statements resonate most with your own experiences and point of view? Whose statements resonate least? Have you used Tinder or a similar dating app? Why or why not? What has been your experience with meeting potential dating or hookup partners? What might you have said if Sales had interviewed you? Choose two interviewees as your They Say, and write an essay responding to their statements and presenting your own views on dating apps and hookup culture.

Comments

[Stephanie de Souza]

Stephanie de Souza

The article starts off by saying that alcohol, tobacco, sugar is a toxic that is addictive , which means you canjt stay without it. The devices all day uses to lean a position toward this topic was that she explained how sugar is in most of our food. They have different names such as glucose,fructose,maltose,hydrolysed starch. She advised us to eat less, because she argues that even in our diets we have sugar like in cereal , ect.... Allday proceeds saying that companies shouldn't ban sugar products because its not the companies fault. The majority of people who get sick with diabetes and other illness blames sugar but its not sugar that causes according to allday. When people get obese for example after test they tested not to be sugar causing problem. Allday stood her ground in her position not to ban sugar products. She ended saying that food is already limited and that she is trying to end this argument.

[H]

Gfd

[Jennifer Baptiste]

I think that its neat that older and even younger people can find someone special for themselves through apps and technology. On the other hand I also think that it can bring danger to good people that are just curious. All in all i think that it is okay to use technology to meet others, as long as you are able to look into the people before going to meet them first hand. To look out for yourself, you should run background checks. You don't want to end up meeting with someone who is not who they say they are.

[McNair]

I never thought that this was a good idea. I miss the face to face meetings. Some people have told me that I am too young to be that old, to be against online dating so much. I just do not think a person can make a good perspective of a person by reading about them. I think there is no since in making time for someone you met on line and find out that this person’s body wash you do not like. Or maybe you cannot stand the way he or she walks. All of those questions would have been answered if a person would have already met the person face to face in the first place.

[Stephen Stewart]

What does it say about today's younger generation that they don't want more intimacy or knowledge? Combine this with the attitude that there is "always something better" to be had or do, and you end up with not only a lack of commitment but an complete inability to do so. I see this in all relationships, not just dating. try to do something as simple as scheduling a cookout weekend after next. The most common response when people are asked to attend is "I don't know what I'm doing that weekend". Well... if you commit to the event, then you would know what you are doing, right? however, when pressing in this fashion you often get to the root of the problem. That something better might come along and they don't want to be committed elsewhere. I feel that the technological advances of the day perpetuate the social attitude of waiting for something better by allowing the opportunity to engage while continuing to look for something better without commitment or consequence.

[Tanner Jennings]

With all the mobile dating and "hook up" apps the future of dating might be doomed. Men no longer have to "date" women to mate, now they can swipe their phone screen and find a partner for the night everyday. Women who are looking for decent men that care need to stay far away from mobile dating because they're more than likely only going to get hurt. I think this will cause serious problems for the future of our generation because it could cause many men to only look at women as "options" instead of a life long partner.

[Nereyda Calixto]

In today's society it's okay to just hook up and leave it at all. Many people are using social media, like Tinder, to meet people and have a one night stand. I think it's sad that men aren't making women a priority anymore, all they care about is making sure they are satisfied without really knowing who the other person really is. How do you know it's safe, you’re talking to someone that you think you know, but in reality your being catfished. Dating isn’t how it used to be, meeting people through family and friends, it’s all about meeting people in these dating apps and just hooking up. The internet has changed the dating game big time, people don't have the same morals anymore when it came to dating and that's sad.

[Jaaron Richardson]

After reading this article I can see how marriages and relationships are failing. It appears as if no one wants to put in the work to have a healthy relationship. If getting around and sleeping with whoever finds you attractive is a dangerous game. Most women from my experience if they were to sleep with someone even if it's understood to be casual sex usually it's something more. I would say that "Tinder" is worst then someone who sales their body for sex. It's not dating it's a sex app that causes addictive behaviors leading to more health concerns. What examples are we setting for the younger generation and how would you want your children to find a partner or mate. Just something to consider

[Jasmyn Todd]

This article talks about Tinder and dating apps and how easy it has become to find relationships and sex from a phone, and how these dating apps and sites have taken away from the seriousness of relationships and meeting people. They compare how easy it is to find sex to finding a cheap flight to Florida, which is absolutely crazy. Its good that people can find relations online but it has turned into people trying to have sex.

[Samim Alokozai]

Its really crazy to hear that we have apps like tinder to hook up. I dont know if that's the best idea but its there and why not use it. In my opinion, I rather meet someone face to face instead of using an app to meet someone; the reason being this will kill our communication skills and the professionalism meeting the person and holding a conversation. Also it's more awkward when you meet someone online and then arrange a meeting somewhere. That's when we are killing the communication skills.

[Sara Johns]

As an 18-25 year old I am extremely old fashioned. I prefer face to face and phone conversations to text and instant message. Even more so when it comes to the intimate world of dating. Dating to me requires an intimate knowledge of a person. I have never been one to have a casual or non relationship. My old fashioned ideals may seem antiquated but to me the idea of the hook up culture we are living with seems to impersonal and very dangerous. As a woman you have to think about who you date, having prior knowledge of the person makes protecting yourself from a dangerous situation much easier.

[Mindy Gullett]

I have never experienced Tinder myself due to I am happily married for 14 years, before this dating app ever began. I believe that a dating app is a bad idea all the way around. I believe you need to meet the individual face to face and get a sense of how they truly feel about you. No person ever wants to be just a hook-up they want some type of connection before giving someone their most intimate self. People are to rushed to hook up before they learn about the other individual.

[Imani]

girls refer to boys as fuck boys who just want sex who does not try to get to know them or even take them on a date. At 18 or even 21 no relationship is worth taking serious because 9/10 were all still growing and trying to figure out who we really are

[Kimberly Wells]

I personally don't think it's safe to use a dating website to meet people. It's dangerous and I would much rather meet someone face to face then online. Their are individuals that meet with these strangers online and come up missing. I know it might be popular in today's society to meet someone but look at the risks. Meeting someone face to face and courting is old fashion to some but it's okay for me and safe. Likewise so many individuals are in a rush to be in a relationship that they do not take the time to get to know the other individual and because they did not take their time many relationships end. What happen to the old fashion love? because this new type of love in the present sucks just my opinion.

[Sydney McCallie]

In Nancy Jo Sales, "Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse” It is saying talking about how some people are just using this dating app to find a partner and have sex with them then sometimes that is all. Personally, I wouldn't use a dating app because I'd rather be face to face with the person from the beginning of the relationship to the end. There's no way you a person can want to have sex with somebody before having an actual connection like face to face. Yes, I do agree with them saying that dating apps are taking away from the actual values of a relationship. I also wouldn't use a dating app because of the show Catfish. Reading this article gives me more thinking on why certain relationships are actually failing now. There might be some positive things that come out of using a dating app; that is if people are using it for what it is intended for.

[Laxmi]

Todays society is very fun society and teen agers are down to partying and having sex and just enjoy their life. There are some people who are lonely and doesn't have so many friends and money. They also want to enjoy and find someone to have fun with and I think this websites have helped so many people and it is a good thing in a way. It can also be dangerous too so be careful and be safe. The person you are meeting could have disease and that might affect you but if you are careful and if you are doing things the safe way it is good for you.

[William Cunningham]

This is a technology driven world/society we live in today. Most human interaction occurs through a screen of a electronic device, and online dating is a huge example of this society we are living in. Nowadays people would rather search for their future wife, husband, "sex-buddy", girlfriend, boyfriend etc. by searching a username into a field on social media apps. I mean, if you like meeting up with random people, not knowing what that person is capable of or having (cough, cough..aids, and furthermore) then do your thing buddy. But all in all, I don't think dating apps is a good idea. It just goes to show you how brainwashed we are by our devices.

[Elianis Rodriguez]

OMG!! This is one of the best blogs that I have ever read. Honestly, it all just worries me, and makes me really sad. The average of young people do not want to pursue a good relationship when they meet someone that they like. They are not looking for love, for a partner who they could possibly spend the rest of their lives with. I think that most of those people just want "to hook up", because they are escaping from getting "hurt", but I don't know what's hurting them more, if having sex with a complete stranger and not seeing them again, or actually falling in love with someone who doesn't want anything serious and ending up getting hurt. I think that everyone has the right to live their lives however they want, and do whatever makes them happy. I think that people conform with whatever they have been seeing their whole lives, and because of this they do not want to try anything else. Like for example, a guy who has been told his whole life to cheat on girls, to just "hit it and leave it" because that is what's best, the only thing that this guy knows is that. He hasn't tried a relationship with a girl who could be more than a lover, could be his friend, his right hand, his support.
It is a huge topic, and there are thousands of reasons why people choose to have just sex and not a lasting relationship, but in my opinion, technology (dating apps specifically) are a main cause to this apocalypse of love.

[Glenda Harris]

I think the evolution of online dating and match making is extremely dangerous and lazy. I believe we are slowly but surely drifting away from all human to human contact. We are definitely in a race against the machine, even when it comes to love. Chivalry is dead and courting is as well. I look at online dating the way I look at arranged marriages. Why let a computer tell you who you are compatible with? Get out there and find love the way you were intended to, on your own.

[Frank]

Dating Apps are a new way of impersonal connectedness for all who seek it.
What I mean by that is we as a society have become more and more distant from one another thanks to dating apps, Facebook and let’s face it people would rather text one another than simply speak face to face or on the phone.
The sad part of this reality is that we are becoming more and more disconnected from one another and from things that are happing around us. So we can now order take out from our phones, check personal and professional emails from our phones, we can shop from the phone. There is an app for everything nowadays, dating apps are not being used for what was intended. Yes, you can scan profiles pictures quickly and look at made up attributes to draw you in but you have no idea who you are really conversing with do you.
Recent headlines report about Craigslist hookup gone bad, as I mentioned above people are desensitized every day more and more so having a supposed dating app turning into a hookup app for sex is not so surprising after all.

[Michael Marrero]

In Sales’ biased article, it’s made clear that men are only into hook-up dating for the “sport” and women only do so when they don’t have time for commitment or are trying to focus on their careers. In the case of internet dating, it’s an equal playing field. Instead of portraying women as victims of internet flings or one-night stands, they should be viewed as willing participants. The very beginning of the article includes a comment from a woman that the man in one profile “has Dad bod,” and all of her friends claim that Tinder “sucks” but yet continue swiping through potential matches. Internet dating is a victimless crime. To put it any other way is ignorant.

Being in a generation of selfies, it’s common to see profile pictures of women in their underwear, bikinis, or low-cut shirts. Unfortunately in the case of internet dating, women who seem to have self-respect seem to get less attention than those who flaunt their “assets.” The way you portray yourself dictates the type of attention you receive. As stated by Jason, the Brooklyn photographer, “some guys might take the wrong idea from it” if women are flaunting their sexuality in pictures and profiles. The women in the article who were interviewed and claimed their disgust at the messages they’d received likely have questionable content on their profiles.

If you learn anything from this article, it should be that the two sexes have extremely different views of dating apps and taking ownership of their actions. Almost all of the men in the article boast about how many women they had relations with because of dating apps. Among the group of three men first presented, one slept with five women in a span of eight days, and another slept with 30-40 women in the past year. However, barely any of the women disclose how many hook-ups they’d had. Women are obviously using dating apps and taking men up on their offers. They’re just less likely to admit it, and more likely to downplay their participation.

[Tynan DeShields]

I agree with Kimberly Wells. It is not safe to meet somebody online. You have television shows such as "Catfish" that comes on MTV that shows the dangers of meeting somebody online. The days where individuals used to meet through mutual friends or even just out in public out of coincidence seems to be in fact dead. Meeting someone online seems to be the thing today, and that's very dangerous.

[Kayla Adkins]

I will have to agree with Erica Gordon because she stated “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option." I am able to relate to her quote because I have sadly been in that same position. I liked this guy and thought he felt the same but I guess he didn't because his friend told me he was just looking for someone to have sex with. This made me feel like I was nothing but a piece of material because he was doing the same thing to other girls also. I disagree with Marty on the fact that he lies to girls that he can be boyfriend material when all he wants to do is just have sex. This just shows disrespect not only to the women but also to yourself because you are ruining a woman's life. I have never used Tinder or any kind of dating app, because I believe there are way to many people out there who are trying to cat fish us, or are just looking for people to hit it and quit it. Now my friends on the other hand do have Tinder, and it consumes their social life. They are always on it looking for someone to talk to, when they could be talking to one in person that is near them. Like I said before I have never met anyone online due to the fact of being cat fished like my little cousin, and I will never use any type of online dating or meeting site to find someone.

[Tynan DeShields]

I agree with Tanner Jennings. Online dating is not very safe let alone play with somebody's feelings and use him or her for sex when meeting them. Even though online dating is unsafe, you don't know what can be going on in the heads of some of these men and women on these sights. Say you meet a girl on tinder or whatever the site may be, and you use her sex and never talk to her again. Now she's most likely heart broken and not feeling good about herself. That doesn't benefit her in anyway, that only benefits yourself. And that is one of the main problems with all these dating sites. Women thinking that they can find their next prince charming not knowing what a man's intentions really is.

[Kayla Adkins]

Jennifer Baptiste makes a valid statement that both older and younger people are able to meet someone they may connect with, but they do need to watch who they are talking to. Jennifer's statement about doing a background check is going to be the safest way to make sure the person you are talking to is not a creep or some killer. I have heard about way to many people meeting someone online and when they meet up with that person they are not who they say they are.