« The Right to Write: Abigail Walthausen on Learning Cursive | Main | Paying Their Way: David Wharton on financing Olympic athletes »

12/19/2013

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Sara

2.Daum claims that “most of us know that the best way to deal with rude people is to shame them with politeness or ignore them altogether.” Is this what you’ve always been taught? Do you agree with it? Why or why not? If not, do you think there is a better way to deal with rude people? Give an example of something you’ve done or witnessed that was effective.

I agree with Daum in the case. In real life, it is necessary to "kill them with kindness", them being the rude people, as that is what my mom always taught me as a kid, and even as I got older she would have to remind me of it at times when my 'inner twelve year old came out'. I think that people who are rude are solely seeking attention and are only going to thrive off of the rebuttal and reaction of the people they are instigating. If you don't give them the reaction that they want then there is no case left for their rude actions or argument. Killing rude people with kindness is a very effective way too. Often times in restaurants if the waiter or waitress is being rude to us, my dad will be 10x more kind than he was originally, and that only makes the people who are rude realize how miserable they are acting, and it usually makes them change the way they are acting.

Nathalie

Daum is clearly critical of Elan Gale’s “Twitter hoax,” but what is her core criticism? That the events he reported did not really occur? That the public in general is so gullible? That his behavior toward “Diane” sets a bad example for public conduct? What is Daum’s principle argument that ties her piece together?

Daum's core criticism is on Diane's rude public behavior. The public in general is gullible but it comes to show a lesson that the public may acquire as advice for future situations. Daum's principle argument is that no matter if the situation was a hoax or not the lesson that was tied into it was that rudeness from another person should be dealt with politeness.

Daum claims that “most of us know that the best way to deal with rude people is to shame them with politeness or ignore them altogether.” Is this what you’ve always been taught? Do you agree with it? Why or why not? If not, do you think there is a better way to deal with rude people? Give an example of something you’ve done or witnessed that was effective.

Yes, I have been taught to deal with rude people with politeness or pay no attention to them. I agree that that is the right way to deal with rude people although the disrespect of the other person usually triggers anger in a person. An example I will give of when I dealt with a rude person was when I was working as a cashier at Bath & Body Works and my coworkers and I must give absolutely kind service no matter who the customer is. I was working as cashier and I kept kindly complimenting the customers products and asking about their day and they kept ignoring me and answering my questions rudely. She was basically telling me to be quiet and hurry and charge her for the products. Although it bothered me that she did not want to hear what I had to say I still wished her a good day and a welcome back to our store. I feel that my experience was effective because in the back of the customer's mind I know she recognizes that our service was kind and respectful. Although her attitude was rude and my job was to treat all customers with kindness I did it because it is the right thing to do. One never knows if a person is having a bad day or is being rude because of a bad experience elsewhere which is why we should treat them with respect and kindness no matter if it is in a work environment or just out in public.

Brittany

I agree with Meghan Daum's opinion about Elan Gale's fake twitter drama. Daum makes a comment that, “it's not exactly conducive to imparting lessons in public behavior or furthering the cause of civility,” and I completely agree with this. I don’t believe that tweeting about a situation with a rude person who you have encountered makes the situation any better, in fact it makes it worse. I believe that it makes you just as immature as the person whom you are complaining about, which goes along with the saying that “two wrongs don’t make a right.” I think Daum and I reached a similar conclusion that the fact that the entire story was a hoax just adds to the immaturity whether he was trying to prove a point or not.

Kendra

The core criticism of the “Twitter hoax” wasn't that the events did not really occur but the fact that it showed how rude peoples public behavior is. It showed that people are so gullible to what they read online, and the author believes that peoples rudeness should be dealt with kindness.
I have been taught to kill them with kindness, and I agree with this statement. Sometimes it is hard to do, because you want to call a person out, or tell them what they are doing is wrong, but I have found the best way is to just ignore it. I work in a restaurant and i have to deal with rude people all day, and the best you can do is to try to give them what they want and not argue.

tim

1.Daum is clearly critical of Elan Gale’s “Twitter hoax,” but what her core criticism is that its morally wrong to hoax something like this. Elan is somewhat of a public figure and society is gonna take most of the things you say serious. i think it was wrong because hes almost trying to boast a "fake" situation about him being a good person. Even though it proves that people need to be more nice nowadays it still doesn't make up the fact that he was tweeting about a lie as a hole.

Julia

Daum gets the reader to think about what you would do if in this situation, given it was real. Like she says, most people would not stand up to the rude passenger on the plane because they simply would not want to start a fight or make a big deal out of anything. I think, that's why the hoax was so popular. People wouldn't expect to see Elan Gale, a television producer strike back and forth with a passenger on the same plane. I can see how Elan Gale might have strategically planned this as a publicity stunt. After all, he did gain over 100,000 more followers because of it. I think the hoax worked but I don't necessarily think it was ethical. Daum even states "his tweets managed to insult people's basic intelligence and humanity while purporting to give them what they want."
I was taught growing up, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Now as I've grown up I've realized that rule can't apply to every situation necessarily. I believe that, if this situation was real, Gale would have taken it too far. I certainly would not have started drama with an airline passenger just because they had an attitude.

Chaila Allen

When I was child, my mother always taught me to be respectful to everyone no matter who the are or what they've done. However, killing someone with kindness who has been extremely rude to you may not feel right at the moment. Likewise after everything is said and done there's nothing worse than regretting that you've said to much, or were too hurtful. When Daum suggests counteracting rudeness with kindness or simply just ignoring the person I totally agree. If you are just as rude as the person offending you, it brings you to the same level as them. Do not get killing someone with kindness mixed up with letting people walk all over you though. Just as anyone else, you have a right to your own opinions and freedom of speech. There are ways to be polite but still get your point across without being so rude. Would you want to stoop as low as the person You're arguing with?

Bria

I tend to agree with the writer. Gale's actions were immature and childish. For one, Gale was not trying to prove a point or stand up for the flight crew. How could he even try to say that? The whole thing was made up, fake. If this situation were really to have happened with a rude passenger and such, then maybe I could see where Gale could claim he was standing up for the flight crew. On the other hand Gale used verbal sexual harassment on this fake woman. If this whole situation was made up, why in the world would all of that be necessary? How could he claim that he was standing up for the flight crew by verbally sexually assaulting her? And then Gale goes on to add that this "woman" had a lung disease. Disease is not anything to play with or poke fun at so I found that disrespectful because he still had his twitter followers bashing her even after they found out about her disease. To me this was all just an immature and childish stunt to gain more popularity on twitter.

Katie Bartholomew

"Daum claims that “most of us know that the best way to deal with rude people is to shame them with politeness or ignore them altogether.” Is this what you’ve always been taught? Do you agree with it? Why or why not? If not, do you think there is a better way to deal with rude people? Give an example of something you’ve done or witnessed that was effective. "

I have always been taught to " kill them with kindness" as a kid. I used to think that this was an effective way to change a persons attitude. However, from growing up around a lot of bitter and rude people I know that it just isn't the case. People are rude and that's all there is to it. So maybe this is where the idea of killing them with kindness came from. We have two options: be nice and hope that the person will learn from it, or react and turn into a rude and unpleasant person when someone does something to make you angry. Its a complicated battle because it just never seems that either are an effective method. While i can say that neither of these options work super effectively I still have to go with my roots and try to kill them with kindness even though it is hard.

Andrew Tesmacher

Daum seems to interpret the whole situation as just one big immature act. I agree with this viewpoint because, first of all, the situation was a hoax, it was all fake and was only tweeted about to prove a point. The only point it proved is that Gale is an immature person and if he were ever in a nasty situation he would "let out his inner 12 year old" and become aggressive. This is not the way things work, you should be the mature one in all cases and not stoop to any lower level as a result of another's actions.

Zach Kaye

I feel that Gale's stunt on Twitter was childish and immature. If he was standing up for the crew members why did he sexually harass this lady, real or made up. If this is how some people would handle this situation then wow I cannot believe that he would even think of doing what he did. Unlike most people I would have probably unfollowed him. Even if this "inner 12 year old" is in all of us, we do not let it come out in situations like this. And then finding out this lady is going to die, I would have apologized and felt awful. Gale didn't feel any remorse for his actions and that is wrong and messed up. Just shows what some people will do for some followers on social media.

Sam Van Roy

Social media outlets are still areas that have yet to be discovered. In this developing technological world, the social media world should be held with concern. People have still not been able to assess what most of the dangers that lie in this outlet, but one thing is for sure, that it should be used at ones own risk. Of course all of your social media posts don't have to be completely true, but what you put out there, you put out there. Everybody is able to see every post, and tweet you send, family members, co-workers, fans, etc. I am not saying that Gale's "Twitter Hoax" was completely wrong, i actually think she was completely in the right, because after all it is just social media. But own up to your actions, realize that people may not think what you are thinking when you post something, and that there could be consequences followed with it. So be wary of social media, but do not overly stress about it, because, after all, it is just social media.

Emilee LeMaire

Social media is a huge part of today’s society and it is perceived in many different ways. Daum gets the reader to think about what they would do if placed in this situation, if it was real. Like Daum states, most people would not have the courage to stand up to a rude passenger on a plane, because they wouldn’t want to make a scene or make a big deal out of nothing. I think, that's why the hoax was talked about so much on Twitter. People wouldn't expect to see Elan Gale, a television producer bicker with a passenger on a plane that was being rude. I can see how Elan Gale might have planned the whole thing out as a publicity stunt. After all, he did gain over 100,000 followers because of it. I think that the hoax did what she wanted it to do but I don't necessarily think it was ethical.

When I was younger, my mother always taught me to be respectful to everyone no matter who the person is or what they have done. However, being nice to someone who has been extremely rude to you may not feel fair in the moment. I totally agree with Daum’s suggestion of counteracting rudeness with kindness or simply just ignoring the person. If you are just as rude as the person offending you, it brings you to the same level as them. Just like anyone else, you have a right to your own opinions and freedom of speech. There are ways to be polite but still get your point across without being so rude. I certainly wouldn’t want to stoop as low as the person I’m arguing with.

Joshua Natividad

The claim "best way to deal with rude people is to shame them with politeness or ignore them altogether" holds a lot of truth in my opinion. Another saying coincides with the quote, Fight fire with fire and the whole world gets burned. These ideas came to me as i grew up and I think they hold true.
Violence leads to more violence and the use of non-violence usually yields to a better outcome. Martin Luther King Jr. advocated this ideology of non-violence and in doing so created more racial equality in the United States. This example although exaggerated still shows the qualities of using politeness against the rude peoples. At times the rude phrases and painful insults make it difficult to be polite. This is where ignoring them comes into play. The "silent" treatment brings various benefits against the rude people. The silence isolates the rude people. It creates this isolation that allows for them to reflect upon themselves. This allows for change and refinement of themselves for the better. If someone rude interacts with me I try to ignore them to create a similar effect. The use of twitter in a technological world makes its easier to ignore said people. But, with Twitter as an online interaction leads to more painful comments. The use of politeness or silence create effects that counteract said comments. I believe that this is the best way as it creates less violence throughout.

Christina Perry

"Elan Gale's Inglorious Twitter Hoax."
Author: Meghan Daum
In this article the author decided to explain an instance where Elan Gale, an infamous reality tv producer, caused "twitter drama" all because of something that didn't happen. In my opinion this act of complete immaturity was out of hand and was a cry for attention from someone who didn't need it. Basically, Gale created a story where his neighbor on an air plane was being rude to the flight attendants. He decided to make up a fight between him and a neighbor on the flight. But instead of painting a picture where he respectfully told the woman to stop, Gale decides to threaten and belittle the woman instead. Why would you make up a fight for no reason? Why would you choose to be rude and immature in your story?

Jacob Wichelns

Although Daum takes more of a pessimistic view on the situation, I believe the "hoax" could have been done with good reason. Not that I am for lying or being deceitful, but Gale does get her point out to the public. Daum states how "Still, the prevailing logic is that all of us have a 12-year-old inside us and that letting him out occasionally signals a kind of righteous authenticity." Basically, Daum fires a shot at Dale for being immature by faking this, which is understandable. On the other side of the spectrum, however, Gale shows a lot of people how naturally bad some people in this world can be, which can be shown by how strong the reactions to this "hoax" were. People's eyes were definitely opened.

cherelle austin

Daum claims “most of us know that the best way to deal with rude people is to shame them with politeness or ignore them altogether.” I agree with this statement to a certain extent. Most people are going to ignore rude and ignorant behavior because no one wants to be seen or labeled as immature, ignorant, or idiotic. I know for a fact working in retail, you always have that one customer that is extremely mean. People In this situation are forced to put up with rude behavior because they don’t want to lose their job by retaliating. I also feel people only react depending on the situation. Overall I do agree with the author by killing people with kindness. Most of the time people don’t expect you to be nice after that person had treated you poorly. Growing up, my mother taught me to “kill people with kindness” because if you feed into that person negative energy, the untimely have control over you. 9/10 if someone is treating you wrong, they want you to react, so buy ignoring them, you winning and being the bigger person. Sometimes it’s hard to be the bigger person if you haven’t did anything wrong.

nads

Social Media has a huge impact in society today. The media especially gets a lot of attention when it is juicy news and not an normal story of everyday society. Ellen Gale's twitter hoax got more attention than a normal story because of the amount of followers and the level of famous that he is. I feel as though if you are on a higher level in society and have more people that view and worry about a profile there is a great amount of responsibility that is needed to stay true to posts. However, if one does not have that type of attention on social media it honestly has little to no difference in whether that individual tells the truth or not on media. I also agree with Zach above due to fact that those actions were highly immature.

Taylor Wilson

I, personally, find it funny when people become invested in interactions that are shared on strictly through media. Thousands of people became invested in Gale’s tweets like hundreds of thousands of people become invested in reality television shows similar to “The Bachelor”. While some people may be insulted by the joke, they fail to realize it was their misplaced trust. Gale is the producer of a manipulated, edited reality show and has a history of pranking. If a person chose to trust would that person had to say, it is their responsibility.
In reality, no one would want to be confrontational with a person that is complaining on a plane. It is much more typical, and sensible, to ignore people in those circumstances to avoid conflict. Much like reality television, Gale wouldn’t have received the favorites, retweets, or gained all those followers if there wasn’t a conflict.
Does that mean that Gale gave his audience what they wanted? Does it mean that he undermined the audience’s intelligence and trust? Either way, he gained over 100,000 followers since then, and the audience got their dose of drama. I think of the twitter reality as a job well done.

Kara

I relate to Katie’s comment about her parents taught her to kill them (mean/rude people) kindness. My parents always told me to be the bigger person when dealing with someone rude. I think that what Gale did was something much deeper than most would think. Some Americans do not know how to react when put in uncomfortable situations like the one Gale made up. I connected the situation Gale described to an elementary or middle school student being bullied and bystanders feeling uncomfortable, not knowing what to do. In my opinion, contrary to what Gale or Daum, the author of the article, thinks, I believe the right thing to do is handle the situation calmly. It is very difficult to do this but in the end, the best results will usually come from doing so. I thought this was an interesting social experiment that people should take time to think about. Another aspect of our society shines through this little stunt Gale played: the act of being so intrigued by something that did not actually happen through means of social media, like Taylor mentions in her last comment.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

By signing up you agree to W. W. Norton’s
privacy policy and terms of use.

About They Say / I Blog

  • New readings posted monthly, on the same issues that are covered in “They Say / I Say” with Readings—and with a space where readers can comment, and join the conversation.

Follow us on Twitter to get updates about new posts and more! @NortonWrite

Become a Fan